Obsessive

I am obsessed with thinking. I always have been. My mind is irrevocably drawn to examine every facet of every experience that comes my way.

Sometimes it is useful. In solving problems of a pen and paper variety it is indispensable. In teaching chemistry, critical examination is crucial. Some of my intelligence is linked to this trait and it’s why I love to learn new things. In the process of learning, my wayward mind has something new and useful to examine.

Sometimes it is downright stressful. Yesterday I was rushing to a lecture and I exceeded the speed limit. A police officer with a radar gun pulled me over. Ten minutes later I was an additional 10 minutes late for class and crushed that I had a $280 ticket and a one week license suspension. Since then I’ve mulled…okay dissected…the experience from the time when I hurriedly left my sick son at home to telling my husband our bank account will be $300 lighter. What help could this be? Aside from digesting the lesson learned, I am just being obsessive.

In yoga, it is called attachment, attachment to those things that we cannot change. It uses up prana (energy) and causes additional stress beyond the experience itself. Realizing and admitting you a problem is the first step to solving it. Attempts at nipping these thoughts in the bud have proved unsuccessful. Perhaps decreasing the thought grinding by even one minute a day is the key. In all things, there is a balance. Finding that balance will be a long journey.